Why does a milking stool have only three legs?
Because the cow has the udder.

A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows.

"What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, herd", her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"

My cow refuses to give milk, and you know why, of course.
She's been grazing in the field too long,...

And now she thinks she's a horse.

What are the spots on black and white cows?
Holstains

What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow?
Milk of Amnesia

Where do cows go when they want a night out?
To the moo-vies!

What was the bull doing in the pasture with his eyes closed?
Bull-dozin'

Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon?
The farmer had cold hands.

What did the bored cow say when she got up in the morning? "It's just an udder day"

How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
With a Cowculator

Why don't cows have any money?
Because farmers milk them dry

Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows

What's a cow's favorite moosical note?
Beef-flat

What do cows wear in Hawaii?
Moo- moos

What do call a cow that has just had a calf?
Decalfenated

Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn't work

Did you hear that NASA recently launched a bunch of Holsteins into low Earth orbit? They called it the Herd Shot 'Round The World!

What did the momma cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture bedtime!

What's black and white and black and white and black and white...?
A cow rolling down a hill.

What do you get when you cross a rooster and a cow?
Cockadoodlemoo!

What do cows get when they do all their chores?
Mooney.

What is another name for a cowboy?

Hamburger helper.

Another way to amuse your purple cow is to tell them a few of these jokes.  Some caution must be used as some purple cows may find these  offensive.

What do you call Eskimo cows?

Eskimoos.

What do you call a transvestite cow?

A Dairy Queen.

What do you get when you have a cow and a duck?

Milk and quackers.

Why did Cleopatra take milk baths?

She couldn't find a cow tall enough for a shower.

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

What goes moof?

A cow with buck teeth.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean Beef.

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

What key do cows sing in?

Beef flat

What happens to cows in summer?

They give evaporated milk

What was the mad calf studying for?

Her BSEs

How do you count a large herd of cows?

With a cowculator

Why did the farmer feed his cows on lottery tickets?

He wanted them to give rich milk

Why do cows lie down in rain?

To keep each udder warm

What does a Tarzan cow swing on?

A bo-vine

What cow can speak Russian?

Ma's cow

Teacher: Name six things that contain milk.

Girl: Ice-cream, custard and 4 cows

What cow is a famous pop singer?

Moodonna

What do you get if you cross a cow and a carpet?

A thick pile all over the floor

What do you get if you cross a cow with a shelled superhero?

Mootant Ninja Turtles

What happens if you walk under a cow?

You might get a pat on the head

Where would you find a prehistoric cow?

At a moo-seum

What do you get from nervous cows?

Milkshakes