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Seller's Terms...what they say & what they mean...

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Seller's Terms...what they say & what they mean...
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Big Trot: can't canter within a 2 mile straightaway

Nicely Started: we can lounge him, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet

Top Show Horse: won a reserve championship 5 years ago at a show with unusual low entries due to a hurricane

Home Bred: knows nothing except being raised on the front porch

Recently Vetted: someone else found something badly wrong with the horse

Big Boned: good thing horse has mane & tail or he would be mistaken for a cow

Doing Courses: when tranqualized to the eyeballs & lunged 6 hrs straight before hand

Well Mannered: hasn't stepped on, bitten, or kicked anyone for a week

Professionally Trained: hasn't stepped, bitten, or kicked anyone for a month

Should Mature 16 hands: currently 13h, dam is 14.3hh, sire is 15hh, every horse in pedigree back 18 generations is under 15h but this horse will definitely defy his DNA

To Good Home Only: not really for sale unless you can 1) pay twice what he is worth, 2) allow current owner to tuck in beddy - bye every night, 3) are willing to sign a 10 page legal document

Bold: runaway

Athletic: He's a runaway, but he looks good doing it

Needs intermediate Rider: runaway

Needs Experienced Rider: "dead" runaway

Dead Quiet: just dead

Started O/F: Started overfeeding because we can't ride

No Vices: especially when he wears his muzzle

Light Cribber: we can't afford to build any more barns & fences for the buzz saw

No Time For Him: he's lucky to be fed

Excellent Disposition: never been out of his stall

Clips, hauls, and Loads: Clippity, clippity is the sound his hooves make when he hauls a$$ across the parking lot when you try to load him

Great Halter Prospect: Bred for beauty, not for brains

Selling due to divorce: My spouse certainly couldn't stand him...

Bomb Proof: So dumb you could set off a bomb under his tail and he wouldn't blink.

Good Mother: She's too dumb to do anything else.

He Can Do It All: bite, kick, buck, rear...

Flasy: nice looking... forget about him being rideable

Stunning: you'll be stunned at his kicking power

Very Brave: even a whip can't force him back

Slight Case Of Navicular: better buy him before he's too lame to walk

Proven Sire: The mare we bred him to had a baby

Lots of Potential: Under the right circumstances, you might be able to ride him

Great Bloodlines: He can't do anything, but that's okay because some horse 20 generations back did something

Already Broke: two fences, one arm, six buckets

Got Cow Sense: he'll attack any cattle within a 5-mile radius

Unregistered: probably stolen

Protective Mother: don't even think about going near the foal

Lady's Horse: Perfectly sweet with women, but will kill men

Good Disposition: The only good thing about him

Selling Due to Retirement: he's making us old

Started Good: we quit while we were ahead

Started: we quit while we were still alive

Loud Color: we spray painted him bright red

Really Broke: literally

Slight Nervouse Habit: he shakes and has muscles ticks anytime anyone asks him to think

Great Stud: breeding is the only thing he's good at

Anyone Can Ride: as long as they have the right protective gear, they will survive

Smooth: you won't notice he's bucking until you're on the ground!

Event Prospect: Big, Fast Horse

Dressage Prospect: Big, Slow Horse

Hack Prospect: Pretty Color

Sporting Prospect: Short, Fast Horse

Camp Prospect: Fast Horse which can turn

Endurance Prospect: Fast Horse which will turn sometimes

Flashy: White Socks

Attractive: Bay

15.2hh: 14.3hh

16.2hh: 15.3hh

To Loving Home Only: Expensive

To Show Home Only: Very Expensive

Needs Experienced Rider: Potentially Lethal

Elegant: Thin

In Good Condition: Foundered

Free Moving: Bolts

Quiet: Lame in Both Front Legs

Dead Quiet: Lame in All Four Legs

Good in Traffic (Bombproof): Lame all Round, Deaf and Blind

Loves Children: Kicks and Bites

Pony Type: Small and Hairy

Arab Type:Looks startled

TB Type: Looks Terrified

Quarter Horse Type: Chunky

Halter Horse Type: Fat

Warmblood Type: Big and Hairy

Draught Type: Big and Exceedingly Hairy

Easy to Catch: Very Old

Must Sell: Wife has left home and taking kids

All Offers Considered: I am in Traction for 6 months

Good Jumper prospect: Looks great jumping over the pasture fence, if you can ever catch'em, you might just have yourself a great jumper!

Thanks for stopping by and y'all come back now ya hear!