·    If you know the price of milk per hundred weight but not by the gallon.

·    If the medicine cabinet contains a container of Bag Balm.

·    If you've ever gotten an award for fat (and were proud of it).

·    If your idea of a power lunch is a sandwich on a tractor.

·    If your idea of a neighborhood watch is someone calling you to let you know your heifers are out.

·    If you have more than a dozen cats.

·    If your idea of overnite delivery is pulling a calf at three in the morning.

·    If you can remember the name of every cow on your farm but the names of your children elude you.

·    If manure is a dinner table topic.

·    If your backyard ends at an electric fence.